MAYOR'S MAKES NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION: GETS A HAIRCUT

By Juan Montoya
We'll we wouldn't have believed it if we hadn't seen it with our own eyes.
There was the Honorable His Majesty Da Mayor delivering on one of his New Year's resolutions to get a decent haircut.
Tony, who finally realized the 1970s were over and that the bell bottoms would also have to go, willed himself to the barbershop appropriately decorated with other trophies, including a stern-looking deer wearing a red baseball cap who didn't quite get away in time.
Other resolutions on Tony's plate include:
1. Stop spending the public's money as if the end of the world was coming (you see, it didn't happen)
2. Stop listening to the sweet nothings whispered into his ears by the likes of Carlos Marin Pablo Rhi-Perez, Fred Rusteberg, and Julieta Garcia, among others. By now it has become apparent that the honeymoon is over and that fissures are beginning to appear in the sheen of unity in the commission. Martinez's political stock is careening toward the fiscal cliff at a headlong pace and even if he gets someone to run against those he views as not good team players, it won't salvage his reputation as a petty tyrant who insists of having it his way or the highway.
3. Drink the local water. We need leaders that lead by example, and if the mayor can turn on the tap and drink a tumbler full of Pure Rio Grande River spring water it would do wonders to uplift the morals and pride of the local populace. Who knows, it might even create a run in PUB stock.
4. Quit trying to give away the assets of the city and surrounding countryside to local real estate speculators of the UT System. We've had quite enough of those already, including the past boards of the Texas Southmost College District who for the last 20 years have subsidized the whims of one of the richest university systems in the world. The only notable failure was Juliet Garcia's effort to deliver all the assets of the college to the UT Regents on a silver platter. Cooler heads prevailed and the district was saved. Now Martinez is trying an end around and pay tribute to the UT System and use real estate as a bribe for UTB to remain downtown.
5. Get a haircut.
Well, one out of five ain't bad.